1. EXERCISE - back to burning 2100 calories a week and start doing some basic stuff for my upper body to avoid crippling back pain (I'm thinking that it would be nice to be able to do 3 sets of 25 push-ups and 3 sets of 15 abdominal type stuff regularly and comfortably by the end of the year.) I did remarkably effective work letting despair stop me from exercising and letting my lack of exercise foster further despair.

2. GET OUT AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK TO SOMETHING INTERESTING / ENLIGHTENING - could be art exhibits, should be political action and has to be social in most cases. I won't spend time ruminating on personal losses, anxiety about the future, my feeling of homelessness (thus the intensive nesting and apartment rearranging I have been doing back here with unionbrick in chicago) and my coming old age or thinking about all the things I hate if I am out, doing reflective and community-minded things and having good conversations.

3. WRITE AT LEAST ONE THING I AM PROUD OF BEFORE THE YEAR IS OUT, PREFERABLY TWO. This could be about a lot of things - what I want to write about right now is political rhetoric and it's emphasis on framing and arational stimulus over rational deliberation. Seems like with Lakoff, everyone has come around to these prompts and they seem to employ the discourse of science ("brain and cog science proves it so we have to appeal to people's emotional needs") without acknowledging that that "science" is not some universal, it is built around lab experiments that replicate the structure of the modern campaign, mass media and a public impoverished of much political culture. I don't mind lefties getting smarter, being less naive or moving beyond technocratic rationalism (see Dukakis or Kerry), but I see a foreclosure of utopian hopes (striving for a more sophisticated, morally atuned public that maybe is invited to deliberations about their decisions before they make them and are participants in other institutions besides passive recipients of commercials and television news. Anyway, that's one. But there are lots of others - sort of reflective writing on sex and monogamy and confusion, or on people that i know and what i find so interesting / frustrating / intriguing about them. Those two sound more personal, something i would have to feel more daring and stylistically accomplished before i would want to publish, but I guess the desire is to get published and be heard. Perhaps Union Brick can remind me of our multiple enthusiasms, discussed projects, proposed and dropped ideas, etc? Anyway, that's not all. . .

4. BECOME GOOD AT SOMETHING NEW TO ME: So here are some things I have long thought about doing - learning to dance (Salsa, Tango, that kind of crap), yoga or pilates (which seems less likely to demand that i tap into the soul of vishnu or whoever than yoga), Spanish (speaking and reading) or making silly videos with sharon, kevin, anita and whoever else would be willing to embarass themselves with me (that I am less concerned about being "great" with than just having some fun.

5. EAT BETTER: Sharon brings her food to work most days. I never do. My goal is to bring lunch at least 3 times a week.

6. STAY IN TOUCH WITH PEOPLE: I fucking hate small talk, but I think you have to go through a little of that crap to get people to want to talk about the big stuff. Who shall I stay in touch with this year? That would be Sharon (as long as we are away from one another), Mom, Michele, Johnny, George, Joe, Asma and Anita. I should also reestablish ties with Nancy, Hadassah, Scott, Gloria, Helga, James, Renata and Adam, Stacy and Neal. Also, probably best to give up any pretense that a few relations are salvageable.

7. GET A NEW JOB. That means looking out and seeing what is available. Maybe a goal of at least one job application a week starting in January is not a bad idea.

8. BEING DELIBERATE ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT TO GO BACK TO GRAD SCHOOL. Talking to Vicky, Adolph, David, Phil Green and maybe one or two bosses (Scott and Claire?) about help. Finding out about the need to retake the GREs.

9. Read at least 9 books from among the following authors: Sanford Schram, Roberto Mangabeira Unger, Doug Henwood, Jose Saramago, David Roedigger, Karl Polanyi, Jessica Benjamin, Sigmund Freud, Elaine Scarry, Laurie Kipnis, Jorge Luis Borges, Giles Deleuze, Corey Robin, James Scott, Ian Shapiro, Russell Jacoby, Frederick Jameson, Robert Coles and Francis Fox Piven.

Okay, I may add on more. Maybe a 7 hour orgasm. Maybe Ultimate Fighting Champion. But I'll start with this.

Hmmm . . . Tongue-tied and tired. Think there would be many things to write about if I was not tired - maybe something spiteful about white boys who have listened to and know the lyrics to every rap song ever but who don't even have the decency to feel guilty when referring to any neighborhood whose black and latino population cracks 30% as "kinda ghetto dude!" I know that Phillip Deloria has a wonderful and witty book called "Playing Indian" about the history of white people appropriating Indian culture to give themselves a kind of depth or naturalism that they could not find in their own lives. Someone should write a book about white wanksters who appropriate the "raw" and "authentic" anger and sexual confidence of black rappers but who have no capacity to reflect on either how baked-up that rawness and authenticity is or how they are furthering real anger by avoiding life in such neighborhoods "just to protect my girlfriend. There are some real morally bankrupt mother fuckers out there. But not me. I'm awesome.

Current Location: the office
Current Mood: aggravated
Current Music: play that funky music white boy